NUT TAPPING

constant fear, constant paranoia, never feeling relaxed and never letting your guard down.... that’s life in my new platoon.... everyday, every waking minute, your watching.... waiting... anticipating.... you never know where its going to come from.... who it will come from, or when it will happen, but your ready.... always ready.... and it still happens....

its like walking thru a mine field some days... its a psychological mind fuck... you can try to avoid it... you can insist that your not a part of it... nothing works.... no matter how ready you are.... how prepared.... how focused you are on stopping it... you cant...its bigger then all of us....once you realize that you can realize this... its actually brilliant... every aspect of it... its like god himself sanctioned it and now its blessed by his hand... once you accept it as inevitable, and only then... you become able to understand how magnificent it is....

Its powerful and gentle, its infuriating and calming, and its really painful... you go from thinking impulsively to thinking rationally.... you transverse many complete spectrums throughout the course of its wrath.... its actually amazing....

Nut tapping is the act of hitting someone in the balls intentionally and for no reason... lol... ok give me a minute to explain.... I know what your thinking... to most of you, its unheard of... but in our world... its just something we know we have to deal with... at any giving time, any day, someone, anyone can and will for no reason lightly tap you in the balls and watch you collapse to the ground in pain.... they will then start laughing hysterically at you because you are completely helpless and furious, but you cant do anything about it.... you cant move... this sounds evil... you might even be having a hard time connecting what I wrote above to what im writing here... your probably thinking.... how could anyone think this is amazing, or brilliant, or that god in someway has had a hand in this...
If this is indeed what you’re thinking.... you haven’t experienced this from both side, multiple times... you have been subjected to it on a constant basis.... because of that you probably haven’t devoted much thought to it.... therefore, you can’t see or understand how awesome nut tapping is....

I dont know why... and i cant intelligently explain it... but someone getting hit in the balls is one of the funniest things in the world... its one of those rare things that it doesn’t matter how many times it happens or how many different ways... it doesn’t matter if its the same every time... it never loses its humor... how many things can we say that about... honestly.... tell someone the funniest joke you know 100 times and see how funny it is the hundredth time.... but you hit someone in the nuts 100 times... its still every bit as funny as the first time... its really weird... someone breaks his leg and is in a lot of pain and cant move... NOT FUNNY...SCARY.... but someone getting whacked in the balls, hilarious... WHY??? I don’t get it...

another amazing aspect to the nut tap is this... as soon as your hit your knees buckle... your legs lose the ability to support your own body weight... you fall to the ground... you are outraged immediately... the only thing you can think of is how you want to kill the person responsible.... on top of all the pain... you have 10 guys standing around you laughing so hard they're having a hard time standing up on there own... some of them may even fall over because they’re laughing so hard....lol.. this just makes you more enraged.... but you cant move... you try impulsively to get up and go after the fag who did this to you, but as soon as you slightly move one of your legs... or your hips, sharp pains shoot thru your body... so you lay motionless... helpless... its at this point you transition into phase two of your recovery... this where a higher powers influence is felt... phase two recovery time is directly correlated with your state of mind... once you reach phase two you realize there’s nothing you can do... you close your eyes and you block out everything around you... you start to control your breathing and start thinking rationally again... the impulse is gone... your calm.... you have to be... you cant recover until you allow your body and mind to relax... you lay there for 3-15 minutes (as long as it takes you to get over the fact that you were attacked without provocation)....

another beautiful element is that the tap it self is very light... your not trying to pop a ball open, or bust his sack... accuracy is key... as long as you can get a direct unsuspecting hit... your good... you win.... he’s down... its crazy how the slightest and easiest of taps can render someone completely helpless for up to 15 min.... that’s crazy...lol, its awesome...

our squad hasn’t gone a full day yet without someone falling victim to this epidemic... some have tried to say that they aren’t playing... they think that if they don’t do it to anyone, it wont happen to them... oh, not true... everyone is in play... you can posture all day long... all year long for that matter... if you don’t want to hit someone back... that’s your prerogative... but that doesn’t mean your not getting hit... this mentality may seem like a dick move by the attacker (pun intended), but everyone at some point will embraces the nut tap...

now after reflecting on our little game I noticed that its gender specific... ive tried to think of a way to incorporate females into the game on some level... im not talking about a mixed gender game... my wife would leave me... but a game that females could play amongst themselves.... the problem is that females don’t have the equipment... I had a hard time coming up with where a female could hit a female to leave them completely paralyzed for a short period of time while on the ground in pain.....

Throat punches..... I think it would work... now all I need is a group of females to test my theory.... if your a female and your reading this.... give this a try.... call all your girlfriends, and schedule a girls night in... have a group of 5-7 of your girls come over to your house for the evening... don’t tell them a thing about the game... its more fun if they just find out about the game on there own... pick your target, and start stalking her... this tactic is used in nut tapping and works well.... being that she will be new to this game she will be really easy to set up... get up close to your target and engage her in small talk... once the moments right point to a picture on your wall to your right or left... she will look at it, and walk right into your trap... once she take her eyes off of you, strike her in the throat... right in the middle of the neck... watch as her legs buckle underneath her and she falls to the ground... then start laughing hysterically and taunting her.... you could say things like "I got you good fucker" or "ha-ha in your face fag"....

this could be the start of a very good game and friendship building, cause lets be honest... if you friend cant take a unprovoked throat strike and walk it off afterwards without getting butt hurt... how much of a friend could they have been... im just saying...

ARMY AWARDS

OK, it just came down the pipe that our BDE will be giving blanket awards to everyone who deployed... this to me is bullshit... it goes against the nature of individual awards... in the army you have unit awards, and individual awards.... giving a blanket award to everyone for individual accomplishments are asinine and kind seems like an oxymoron... what it amounts to is, they don't want to go thru the nut roll of everyone submitting individual awards with individual bullets... they assume (rightly) that most would fuck it up and have to redo them over and over again... still i think they should be made to do their jobs... and that's it, ITS A LEADERS JOB TO WRITE AWARDS.... if they don't know how, make them learn...

that's not my only problem with awards though... that's just what has fueled this fire.... across the board the army award system is fucked up.... their is only a few awards that haven't been tainted to the point that they lose their integrity, and prestige... The Medal Of Honor, Purple Heart, Soldiers Medal, and a few others are taken seriously... now the Purple Heart is boarder line... i don't want to take away from those who have earned it and have giving blood and flesh for this country... but at the same time some get them for bullshit...

right now if your an officer or an E-7 your getting a Bronze Star for this deployment... it doesn't matter what you did.... that's your award.... well to me that award doesn't mean shit to me now... it has lost its integrity..... I think an individual should be assessed on what they did... that should be a determining factor... but its not... it doesn't matter what you did, or do... all that matters is your rank... E-1 thru E-6 will get an ARCOM.... the same ARCOM with the same bullshit bullets.... this infuriates me.... i don't think that my soldier who goes outside the wire on a daily basis, puts himself at adverse risk hundreds of times, and subjects himself to the heighten reality of the fact that the ultimate sacrifice could easily be realised at any moment should get the same award as a soldier who pulled a 8 hour MWR guard 5 days a week for a year.... REALLY.... they get the same thing... they get recognized the same.... the E-7 who doesn't do anything (believe me there is alot of them) will get a better and bigger award then my soldier... its bullshit...

now i don't care about my award.... awards mean nothing to me... but i don't like it when my soldiers get fucked... i wish they would let me write the awards for my soldiers and recognize them for what they did individually.... that's fair and makes sense...

CIB VS. CAB.... lol... i hate this shit... the CIB (combat infantry badge) is only for infantrymen who have been engaged or engaged the enemy... its been round for a long time and has a storied history.... infantry was the only MOS that can get the CIB... the void for other MOS's was there... an infantry man and a combat engr. standing next to each other on the battle field engaging the enemy didn't get recognized the same... for the longest time only the infantryman would get an award reflecting the fact that he was in combat... that's why the CAB was enacted... its intent was sound... recognize those who arnt infantry for being in actually combat.... but its intent was lost as soon as it came into existences.... these fuck-tard faggot cooks, and finance, and admin guys, and supply guys... all these fuckers get CAB's.... Most CAB's arnt earned... a fucking supply guy who goes on a log jam 30 truck convoy.... he's in the 22nd truck and the third truck gets small arms fire (three rounds) off the door.... he gets a CAB... the whole fucking convoy gets a CAB because "the convoy was attacked"... bullshit... small arms fire on an unarmored truck is like throwing snowballs at a civilian car... its not coming thru... so this fag who is 500 meters away from everything gets a CAB... well now i feel like my earned CAB isn't worth shit... its the same with the CIB though... an infantryman deploys and spends the entire deployment in the training room... doesn't leave the wire once... he get a CIB... I've seen it.....

then you have these CAB hunters... mostly officers... they try and try to go on convoys and hope something happens so that they can get a CAB... as soon as they get one they stop going out... these fuckers are all over the place... they don't want to be in combat... they want a nice shiny award saying they've been in combat... its bullshit....

i don't wear mine because of this.... even though i earned mine i don't like being grouped with others who haven't.... i remember about a year before i deployed this time i was back at ft. Riley... i went to the chow hall and when going thru the line i see a SPC cook with a shiny CAB on his cook whites... it disgusted me... now i don't know this guys back story and i cant say he didn't earn it, but it was the principal... he walked around all the other cooks with a sense of superiority.... i could see it on him... that was the day i took my combat patch off and stopped wearing that as well... i never felt that i needed a patch or CAB to validate my experience or to prove to others my worth.... i know who i am and i know what I've done and been thru... i don't need to prove to everyone else that I've done my job or that I'm experienced....

i know I'm just ranting here, but i really don't like the way I'm recognized or the way others are... i don't like that others who have combat patches and CAB's or CIB's feel they are better then those who don't... there is a false sense of superiority the wearer feels... its just not me...

BLACK DAY

well its about time that i play catch up a little bit.... today is our black day.... we get one of these a week... it means we are off and cant be called in (i don't believe that though).... so far however, we haven't been called in and no one has fucked with our off days.... I'm still wary and wont fully put the guard down until I'm really comfortable with the routine.....ROUTINE...lol.... i don't really know that we have a routine.... depending on how you look at that it could be considered a pro or a con...

the section i now belong to is EOD security... its really not a bad gig at all... whenever something happens in sector, we go out to assess, interrogate, or destroy whatever it is that we are going out for.... we get to blow shit up almost daily :).... the calls we go on are always different... it keeps things new and exciting....

during the week we are either primary or secondary.... while on primary we pull a 24 hour shift in the CP.... during that time any thing that happens, our team responds to it... as soon as we roll out the secondary team assumes primary in the CP until we return...if another call comes thru while primary is out in sector secondary takes it....once we get back, secondary then goes away... this happens all day long....some days we have nothing happen and don't go anywhere, other days we are out 5-7 times that shift.... the average so far though is about 2-3 missions per primary shift, and less then one mission per secondary shift.... not bad at all... each mission last about 2 hours, so we spend an average of 4-6 of our 24 hour shift on mission most primary days.... while at the CP during our shifts, we do what ever we want as long as we are with in ear shot of each other in case a call comes thru... we watch movies, play xbox, volley ball, horse shoes, Internet, wrestle, pranks, fight, sleep, whatever it is we want... the freedoms that allude most in Iraq, are prevalent in our section... we work hard and play hard and no one on the outside looking in messes with us....

as soon as our primary shift ends we immediately assume secondary.... while on secondary you have alittle more advantages... one, your allowed to hang out in your own room.. while on primary you cant, you have to be in the CP.... two, you can also go to the PX, MWR, gym, and other places like this while on secondary so long as you sign out and take a radio with you.... and three, you get to take showers.... you obviously cant on primary... this is all well and good but as soon as primary gets a mission, everything you were doing stops... you now have to get in uniform and get to the CP to assume primary....

we play this game 6 days a week.... 24 as primary, 24 as secondary, 24 as primary, 24as secondary, until that 7th day... that day is our black day... it is suppose to be the day that we are untouchably off.... this is my third black day since I've been here and so far i cant say that this isn't true.... i will later go to play basketball and maybe make a PX run... other then that, black days only mean no missions...

in a nut shell, that's my new job... i like the guys I'm working with and the missions we run.... so far we've responded to IED's, rockets, VBIED's, bomb making parts, post blast, RKG3's, and other shit... the way the job is structured allows the time to fly... its a pretty sweet gig..

OK quick back story to these pics... this was the first mission i went out on with my new team... we responded to a VBIED ( a VBIED is pretty much a car that's packed with explosives... it drives to its destination and detonates...) the car was mangled, and taking to this junk yard.... while we were there on the ground, something happened.... i was scanning the tree line and all the sudden, BANG..... one shot fired.... at first i didn't know who fired or from where... all i knew was that it was loud and close... i quickly took cover behind a near by car and started to assess the situation.... i look around and i saw that no one else was taking cover or paying the shot fired much attention.... BAFFLED, i was.... i remember saying to myself "what the fuck is going on".... i look up and see a crowd of soldiers stand around a PVT with a scared look on his face... the others around him were his NCO's.... they were all smiling from ear to ear... i get up and walk over to them... this is the conversation that ensued...

ME: what the hell happened?

SOME NCO: (smiling) nothing, he just got alittle scared.

ME: scared? what the fuck did you shoot at?

PVT: sgt. a dog tried to attack me....

I look around for a quick second, and see no dog..... now I'm smiling...

ME: was he big...

PVT: roger sgt. he was coming at me...

ME: did ya get um...

PVT: negative sgt.

ME: did he disappear.

PVT: negative sgt. hes under that car over there....

ME: oh...

I go and look for the dog and sure enough hes chained and under a car...

ME: hey killer, hes chained up....

PVT: roger sgt. he was coming at me...

ME: did he bite you.

PVT: negative sgt. but he had his mouth open....

ME: oh... was he yawning...lol

PVT: negative sgt.

ME: how close was he to you when you fired....

PVT: like two feet...

ME: oh.... and hes a big dog I'm guessing

PVT: roger

ME: lol... so how the fuck do you miss a big dog that's two feet away from you bro..

PVT: i don't know sgt...

ME: lol, did you give him a warning shot...

PVT: negative sgt...

ME: alright man I'm just fucking with you relax...

he was at this point still worked up... alittle excited, alittle afraid... i thought it was funny and so did his NCO's... he didn't get in any trouble, but i bet he will have a hard time living this down back at the fob with his platoon....


ok back and to the right is where the dog was chained up... this red van to the right is the car the dog hide under after almost getting shot...




this is a side view after the shot was fired... i tried and tried to get the dog to come out for a picture but he refused.... i throw pop tarts and muffins at him but he wouldn't budge...

FUCK BEING DEPLOYED... FUCK THE ARMY

i said back in Dec. that when we make it past Apr. we will be home free..... i said that if the time could just fast forward..... if we could just be at that point..... all would be ok..... this deployment will be almost over... it would be down hill from there.... fuck...... halfway thru Apr. and shits still the same.... i knew it would be but i expected things to fast forward a little.... i wanted to be passed the new and unroutine..... i wanted to hit that comfortable stride...... but i still haven't..... i think its because i haven't stayed put in one place for longer then 3 months... constantly moving, and changing mission, and changing SOP's, changing soldiers, and changing teams.... changing leaders and changing my outlook....

i couldn't wait to deploy back in the states.... man, i fucking hate garrison... i hate everything about it.... i hate having to be up at 0530 five days a week... i hate doing PT half asleep.... the last thing i want to do when i wake up ( before i actually want to wake up ) is fucking work out... i want to sleep... we start PT at 0630.... it takes me till about 0700 to wake up..... by then we are almost done...... i hate sidewalk NCO's..... they don't fuck with me much anymore ( cause i am and NCO )..... a sidewalk NCO is a guy who will correct the slightest infraction he sees when you walk by him in garrison.... you need to shave, you need a haircut, your uniform is messed up somehow your rank is dirty, your ID tags arnt on your neck, put your PC on, don't walk in front of formation, those boots arnt authorized, no PT cap in ACU's, the list goes on and on..... its stupid shit.... its pointless..... i understand its intent is to instill discipline... but the discipline is in my opinion is to the detriment of moral, and free thinking..... its been my experience that the less rules and less oversight a unit has the better they operate and the higher moral becomes.... i have been in platoons where you are micromanaged and subjected to hundreds of rules (MP's) and it sucks.... it makes life hell..... I've also been in platoons where you arnt controlled.... your treated like a big boy..... no one cared if you shaved, needed a haircut, were out of uniform, and so on.... no one cared... that shit didn't matter..... consequently, all that shit worked itself out.... soldiers would eventually without being told, cut their hair, and shave, and when its time to roll, they would be in uniform.... no one was looking over our shoulders to ensure we were enforcing the bullshit rules..... we just let everyone handle their shit like adults, and that's what they did..... it worked and everyone loved it..... sure people went longer then normal to cut their hair, us NCO's still wouldn't say anything to them..... the would push the limits of not shaving..... still nothing from us.... they would be in civilian cloths all day.... still nothing from us..... but the minute we said its game time, they would be on it.... they would eventually shave on their own, and get haircuts...... it worked for us..... everyone loved that level of freedom....

you don't get that freedom in garrison..... shit you don't get that freedom in a war zone..... only in the field, where your training for war, are you allowed to act like your at war.... only in the field while TRAINING do you get to forget the unimportant and concentrate on the mission and the life or death aspects of this job..... its fucking sad..... being at war and being in garrison isn't much different..... its like merging the field and garrison...... throw in the fact that you cant see your family, extent the duration of the exercise to 12-15 months........ and take away the luxuries of being off 2 days a week, and being able to run to walmart for shit..... that's war..... oh and you also have real bullets and bombs around you and people who want, try and are thinking about killing you daily...... this job sucks man...

i talk about sacrifice...... i talk about how I'm willing to sacrifice for my country and my family.... I'm willing to put myself aside to improve the quality of life for my family and the safety of this nation.... lol.... that's relative..... but its true... my sacrifice..... but its becoming increasingly obvious to me that my decision to sacrifice isn't my own.... not that the decision isn't only mine, the sacrifice isn't only mine.... I'm not talking about my wife either.... she choose with me.... she made this decision too.... I'm talking about my kids... they didn't have a voice in this..... they sacrifice a great deal because of me..... i made the decision for them..... i made it thinking that i would be doing them a great service..... i thought that i would be improving their lives by sacrificing my own.... I'm not..... my son daily talks about me and ask for me and cries for me.... hes at a crucial part of his development, and he doesn't have me to help sculpt and shape him..... he doesn't have that strong male influence to lean on and rely on.... when I'm there, he has me to stand between him and, bully's, and bad guys, and monsters, and thunderstorms, and fire and danger... he sees me as a safety net.... boys hold their fathers up so high..... they can handle anything.... we are the strongest humans alive.... we are superheros to them.... nothing is better then daddy...... nothing is too scary or too risky when daddy's here...... he'll protect me... he will keep me safe.....

it kills me not to be there for my kids...... they need me.... at this age they develop into the people they will become.... my influence helps shape them as people..... they are deprived of that.... they sacrifice me because i decided to sacrifice for my country..... they pay for my decision..... they bare the brunt of a deployment every bit as much as me... if not more..... if i make it back then i ultimately sacrificed a year..... they sacrifice who they are and who they become...... that could have life long lasting effects on them.... i did that to them....

from my perceptive..... from what i can tell, i hate being deployed and i hate not being deployed.... that can only mean one thing to me.... i fucking hate being in the army.... i hate the idea of having to put my kids thru this again.... i hate having to go home with the knowledge that i will be deploying again in under two year..... i don't want to have to put my kids thru this again.... i don't like this shit anymore..... why couldn't i have just finished college and got a real job...... why cant i finish this enlistment and get out..... finish school and be a civilian..... I've been in for 5 years, and this enlistment will take me to 8...... do i really need to do another 12 after that.... how many more deployments would that be..... how many times do i have to leave before my kids stop believing in me.... before they stop trusting me and needing me.... before they start to forget me...... the army isn't worth it...... i don't know if i want this anymore..... i feel confused.....

side note: all is well with my new platoon.... I'm just getting to know my soldiers, but i know my leaders.... we work well together..... ill do fine here and expect to stay in this assignment thru the duration of the deployment.....

FREE AT LAST

“Familiarize yourself with the chains of bondage and you prepare your own limbs to wear them." Abraham Lincoln

if that wasn't befitting of my situation i don't know what was...... but now I've gotten my way.... i scratched, crawled, bite, threw, wrestled, punched, headbutted, yelled, fought, refused, struggled, and defied my way out of the proverbial chains of bondage. I made it painstakingly obvious to everyone that i didn't want to be with the MP's..... everyone who knew me, knew that i wanted out, and after a little over 2 months, I've been moved.... its not official until tonight, but i have already gotten word from my incoming and out going leaders..... I'M PUMPED....

I'm going back to where i started.... I'm working with the same guys i trained leading up to this deployment.... i couldn't be happier..... now I'm tasked with reintegrating back into their SOP's (standard operating procedures).... since i last was with them, their mission has changed..... with that change comes unfamiliarity with their tactics and a certain level of adjustment to their already defined ways..... it shouldn't be hard..... only time will be needed...... after i regain comfortability with them, and my new assignment, i will be fast on my way towards redeployment..... i should only have about 4-5 months left at that point..... once everything becomes routine and expectible, time slows down.... Luckily, i have endured the pleasures and pains that come along with constant change..... pleasures being the fast moving time.... 6 months have come and gone faster then any other of the same.... pains being the MP's..... you jump from ship to ship enough your bound to find out that you don't like..... or absolutely HATE....

TEAM ROCK

THIS WAS TEAM ROCK..... WE WORKED WITH SOME OF THE BEST SOLDIERS IN THE WORLD..... THE IMPACT OUR MISSION HAD, WAS FELT IN LIVES SAVED..... IVE NEVER BEEN A PART OF A GROUP THAT WAS THIS PROFICIENT.... IT WAS CHALLENGING AND REWARDING.... I LEARNED, TAUGHT, FOUGHT, AND BONDED WITH THESE MEN AND THE TIME SPENT TOGETHER WILL BE REMEMBERED AS ONE OF THE BEST TIMES OF MY LIFE..... ITS RARE TO BE APART OF A GROUP WITHOUT WEAK LINKS.... WE HAD THAT HERE..... EVERYONE OF THESE GUYS HAD SOMETHING UNIQUE TO OFFER.... WE FORGED A BOND THAT WILL LIVE FOREVER.....

ME AFTER A LITTLE SCUFFLE.... I WON THE BATTLE, BUT LOOKED THE WORST IN THE END.... FACE AND CONCRETE DON'T MESH WELL....

EVERY SOLDIER DOES A RAMBO PIC..... DON'T THEY?

THIS IS SSG BERRY... HE JUST GOT OFF THE TRAIL (BACK FROM BEING A DRILL SGT.) BEFORE COMING TO US AS OUR NEW SQUAD LEADER.... HE IS A BIG ASSHOLE AND CAN BE A SON OF A BITCH SOMETIMES BUT HE IS AND WAS THE BEST LEADER I HAVE EVER HAD IN THE ARMY AND IVE LEARNED MORE FROM HIM THEN ANY OTHER ABOUT WHAT IT MEANS TO BE A LEADER....GREAT GUY AND GREAT LEADER...

SPC MURRAY.... HE WAS THE ONE OF OUR DRIVERS.... A GREAT SOLDIER WHO TOOK EVERY OPPORTUNITY TO LEARN THAT WAS AFFORDED TO HIM.... HE IS A HARD WORKER AND A DEPENDABLE SOLDIER....

PV2 CLYMER... HE WAS A GUNNER AT FIRST.... THEN I SAW HIM DRIVE..... HE HAD THE INSTINCTS AND CONFIDENCE NEEDED TO MANEUVER A 75,500 POUND TRUCK AT HIGH SPEEDS, ON TIGHT ROADS, WITH NO LIGHTS ON WHEN IT WAS PITCH BLACK OUT, WHILE WEARING HIS NIGHT VISION GOGGLES.... THESE DRIVERS COULD BE TRAINED TO AN EXTENT, BUT THE NATURAL ABILITY OF SOME WENT A LONG LONG WAY....

SPC GALLAGHER..... HE WAS MY DRIVER..... WE MANED THE LEAD TRUCK.... OUR RESPONSIBILITIES WERE DIFFERENT FROM EVERYONE ELSE.... AS LEAD TRUCK, YOUR TASKED WITH DICTATING SPEED, ADJUSTING THE ROUTE, IDENTIFYING THE TURNS, FINDING THE DESTINATION, AND SPOTTING POTENTIAL THREATS UP AHEAD.... THE OTHER TRUCKS FOLLOW US.... HE WAS THE BEST DRIVER AND A HUGH ASSET TO THE TEAM....

SPC INSKEEP..... HE WAS ONE OF OUR GUNNERS.... HE HAS BEEN ONE OF MY SOLDIERS DATING BACK ALMOST 2 YEARS.... IVE SEEN HIM GROW INTO A YOUNG LEADER IN THE TIME WE SPENT TOGETHER.... HE WILL MAKE A GREAT NCO ONE DAY AND IS CURRENTLY A GREAT SOLDIER THAT THE OTHERS LOOK UP TO...

I HAVE MANY MORE PICTURES BUT IT IS SO HARD TO UPLOAD THEM WITH THE INTERNET WE HAVE HERE..... ILL KEEP TRYING BUT FOR NOW THESE ARE JUST A FEW OF THE MEN WHO MADE UP TEAM ROCK.... THEIR ACTIONS AND SERVICE HAVE IMPACTED THIS WAR IN A WAY UNMEASURABLE.... IF NOT FOR THE MISSIONS WE DID, MANY TERRORIST NOW CONFINED, WOULD STILL BE OUT ON THE STREETS KILLING SOLDIERS....

BARTERING DEALS

if there's one thing that i hate in this world, its running...... i just cant stand it.... its the most monotonous, mundane, useless waste of time in the world to me.... right off the bat i know what lot of you reading this will think..... "hes in the army right..... don't they run a lot"? sure..... we run, and i will point out that i don't have any problem passing a PT test..... its just the act of running that kills me..... one step after another for God knows how long..... i would rather watch grass grow..... but no, life can never be that simple...... in 2 days there are two VOLUNTARY runs scheduled on the FOB..... one is a 6.6 miler, and the other a 10 miler...... we are encouraged to participate in them..... my answer to this was easy.... NO...... but of course if its not one thing its another..... I'm not afforded the luxury of an easy answer..... not because its being mandated to me..... or because something favorable hangs in the balance of my decision......no..... my fucking soldier wants to run, and knowing how much i hate running, he wants me to run with him...... Yeah, what an asshole right..... me being the NCO that i am i cant just say to him " get bent tool bag" because then i look like the tool.... i also cant politely said no..... here is a soldier who wants to participate in an event that's productive and legitimate..... flat out saying no to him even while knowing that his request is only extended to piss me off, in my mind would be wrong..... BUT I'M NOT GOING TO RUN EITHER OF THESE FUCKING RUNS......

what to do.... what to do......

in my mind the only option or way to approach this would be to offer him something that's more enticing to him, then me running with him..... that's the only way i can keep my " i not fucking running plan", and have him not hold that over me in the future..... now the question becomes what would be more valuable to a pv2........ it cant be something like money.... i cant buy my way out..... i would still look like a tool bag, just poorer..... it also cant be time off or favorable action..... anything like that would constitute an abuse of power on my end and would be unfair to the soldiers that don't want to run as well as the soldiers that do.......

this is what i came up with...... wait..... first i want to say that after giving this very little thought i decided that i wanted him to win this deal.... i designed it so that he could win..... what i offer was that if he does both runs (which are on the same day), then for 20 minutes, in front of the whole squad, with cameras arolling..... he can smoke the piss out of me...... i said that i would push, hop, skip, jump rope, whatever it is that he wants me to do...... i will do all of this with a smile on my face and a sense of pride in my soldier.... i will have my canteen out there and he can smoke the hell out of me.....

he absolutely loved this idea..... he was tickled pink.... the fact that i offered this to him..... i offered to let him do it in front of the whole squad, film it, and on top of that i said to him that i don't care if he walks the whole way.... as long as he starts both and finishes both on the same day then he owns my ass for 20 minutes...... i know he wont walk the whole way but 16.6 miles for someone who hasn't trained for it is a long as fucking way..... i don't want him to fail..... i didn't want him to think that if he needed to walk that he would lose.... i wanted him to know that i want him to succeed..... he is a very prideful person.... i know he will run as much of it as he can..... I've never seen a pvt smoke a sgt before.... and i know he will love and remember the day he got to smoke his team leader.......

to me its a win win for both of us..... he gets something better then he originally requested and i get the pride that comes along with having a soldier complete 16.6 miles...... i also don't have to run the fucking thing..... as for the smoking.... i really don't care.... getting smoked wont bother me.... it will be all in good fun.... he will have fun with it and the squad will have fun with it..... the other soldiers will live vicariously through him and probably request exercises for him to make me do.... I'm game..... lol..... i think I'm actually looking forward to it.....

CONTEMPlATION

OK I'm going to float an idea out there... I've been thinking about this for a few days and really don't know if this is a good decision or not.... a friend of mine works in the TOC ( tactical operation center) hes the battle NCO. hes an infantry guy, but in this bat. theres no infantry company..... so he landed a desk job that hes hated since the first day he got here..... i just found out that after months and months of requesting a transfer to an infantry bat., hes been granted his wish.... all they need now is his replacement..... now this is a simple 9-5 style desk job.... really safe, and really pogish..... i know the job is mine if i want it...... but I'm apprehensive.... do i really want to wind down my last 6 months of this deployment in an office job..... never go outside the wire..... in my two deployments I've done I've spent 18 months going in sector about 5-6 days a week.... I've seen it, I've done it, and i know it...... hell i like it...... the one thing that does suck about it is that theres very little going on.... we go from A to B with nothing happening EVER.... if things were more actionable, it would be a no brainer for me... i would want to be out there.... but if all im going to do for the next six months is drive to one spot stay there a few hours and drive back and have nothing happen.... then i really would rather not....

i have never worked an office job in the military..... i would be a pog thru and thru...... I'm ok with that.... but i don't know how i would deal with the bullshit that goes along with this job... i don't even know what the bullshit would consist of..... i do know that its there... theres bullshit everywhere.....

so do i seek out this job, or do i stay on the roads with a different section then the one I'm in.... i have to act fast because soon enough that decision will be made for me.....

PS.... if your in my family, your opinion is bias so i will probably not include that into my decision.... i know what my family will want.... feel free to tell me anyways but your vote doesn't count... lol...
NUGHT OUT.......

SITREP

Well, I've been waiting patiently for my situation to improve..... as it was put to me back in the middle of march, "we'll play it day by day" my 1sg told me..... then i found out that the one thing in the way of me leaving this platoon is the 6 new MP's that were suppose to arrive on the 24th.... lol..... well that's come and gone and...... NO MP'S......... when they do get here i will be going somewhere else.... I've narrowed it down to 3-4 different places that in my mind, i could go....... i really don't care which one it is...... I've worked with all of them or at least know them all..... I'm sure i will assume my new role with any of them without hitch.......

when do the new MP's get here........ well if your subscription to joe radio hasn't expired.... then you know as well as I do that they will be here the first week of April...... lol...... so what exactly does that mean...... probably around the end of April...... i really don't know, and that people that do know when, like to hoard that info to themselves..... why..... don't fucking ask me, it seems to me that divulging that info wouldn't hurt anyone.... I've found that their are a lot of those information holding self important types in the army.... i fucking hate that trait.....

right now...... I've been relegated to being in charge of ME..... i have no soldiers now, and i don't have a leader..... I'm a one man army..... my squad leader doesn't fuck with me at all since our falling out... occasionally he tries to engage me in small talk but i usually just walk the fuck away from him..... i still cant shake the constant feeling of wanting to fucking choke him..... i feel like I've be placed outside of the squad..... i wouldn't have it any other way...... the only time i am brought back into the fold is when there is a discussion of tactics or some form of tactical planning.... i don't even have chirp up, I'm asked my opinion..... with that they base their plan off of my do's and don'ts list.....

the soldiers still rely on me as a source of experience..... they will ask me sometimes how to do this or how to do that...... even with my disdain for the squad leader, i wont deprive the soldiers of correct development...... in my mind, with the lack of competent leadership in the squad, its my job to see to the development of the soldiers.... i recognize that one day these soldiers will be leaders.... if they are never exposed to the correct way of doing things, they will set up for failure, and will fail their soldiers when the time comes.......i routinely try to teach them how to dissect the situation and form a logical tactical plan.... i force them to think about situations, and then tell me what we should do as a squad..... when we are in sector, i will ask a random soldier, what should we do right now.... if you were in charge what would you have us do and why...... after a little prodding, i get them to see the important aspects of the situation..... i get them to reformulate there thinking off of what the situation is giving us..... i can already see that this way of development has gone along way with them...... they are already starting to offer corrections to previously thought to be correct ways of doing things.... even after I'm gone, i will continue to make myself available to them when or if they have any questions..... i subscribe to the belief that once my soldier, always my soldier......

until the day comes that can move on.... ill continue this numbing process......

NUGHT OUT.....

Three Minutes In Time

I've spent the last two days reflecting on an experience I will not soon forget.... there are many things I bitch about.... the army has plenty short comings.... I have a tendency to focus on the things that need improvement, and that are lacking..... rarely do I reflect or share the experiences that my job has made me privy to.... there are many things I've seen or been a party to simply because of the job I chose.... some of these things have had a lasting impact on me and ill carry to the grave... others go without reflection and are buried deep inside of me..... sometimes though, I experience something that few will ever have an opportunity to experience and like a snap shot in time, they are forever imprinted on my soul.... these experiences are special because they shape the foundation of who I am and what I think...

two days ago I spent the better part of 10 hours in the presence of a high value terrorist.... he had been captured at some point previous to this day, and it was my squads job to escort him to an Iraq judge and then back to the detention facility..... this man wasn't a bomb maker... he wasn't a foot soldier for a radical movement.... he was a high ranking architect of a group that has attacked and killed many soldiers..... this man orchestrated the movements, recruitment, rhetoric, bomb making, transportation, financing, emplacement, and all other logistics involved with the coordination of such an element... nine of the ten hours I spent in the presence of this guy, there was no talking... no, he hadn't said a word since he had been captured..... He wouldn't talk to any of the interrogators..... he didn't talk the whole way to the court house, and he didn't talk the entire time we were there ( about 9 hours ).... but when it was time to take him back, I took a shot.... what ensued was a simple conversation that I will never forget.... it wasn't necessarily the content of the conversation but more the gravity of the situation... here was a high ranking terrorist who wouldn't talk to anyone... but he talked to me....

now one thing I want to point out that I noticed right off the bat was that he made a conscience effort to talk to me at my really low level Arabic... I have talked with many Iraqi's and one thing they all do once they know that I know a little Arabic is over whelm me with it.... I speak very simple broken Arabic to them, they come back at me with long, fast, and correctly, structured Arabic.... it leaves me lost and confused... I don't know what the hell we're talking about any more and it makes communication between us suck.... this guy immediately recognized my level of Arabic and he spoke to me at it.... he didn't speak fast, he didn't use a lot of words and he even went out of his way to use broken Arabic that he knew I would understand..... He would use words that I had already said to him and he would structure it the same way I structured it to him....

before I get into the conversation we had, I want it to be known that my dissent for this man and my desire to kill him was very much real but internalized..... He wasn't my friend and he knew this... I wasn't his friend and he made no gesture to symbolize other wise..... On the contrary, I felt very much from his body language and the look in his eyes, that he hated me as much as I did him..... Even though we were civil in our conversation, we both knew that if we were to have happened on to each other in a different situation, I would have made every attempt to snatch the life right out of him..… and he would have tried the same, this fact wasn't lost to either of us.... he didn't try to act like my friend or act like he liked me... he didn't want anything from me..... I would be willing to bet this was the first time he casually spoke to an American in his life..... He hated me and he wasn't trying to hide it... I hated him and I wasn't going to hide it.... we were enemies of the worst kind.... but for a brief 3 min conversation, we put that aside and engaged each other without sacrificing our beliefs or feelings..... He was surprisingly honest in his answering of my questions.... I know this because his answers were not aimed at pleasing me, but rather standing behind what he believes.... he wasn't rude, loud, disgusted or insulting... he was simply honest....

*THE CONVERSATION*

it started when I loaded him into our truck, preparing for our trek back across Baghdad.... he was handcuffed and blindfolded in the seat cattycorner to mine... while we were sitting there waiting for the everyone to get ready to go, I made a simple statement in Arabic that I thought might induce a reaction.... I said " la abwha nasifay il yom in shal la.... which translated word for word means ( no ied's today god willing ).... he replied immediately with cuffed hands raised to the sky " in shal la " ( god willing ).... I then introduced myself to him.... I said "aunie adreef mcneil" ( im sgt. mcneil )... he said blah blah blah.... I don’t remember his real name but if I had I still wouldn’t have told you.... then I said to him " aunie adreef mcneil low abu mikey " ( im sgt mcneil or father of mikey...... this took him by surprise.... the fact that I knew this custom really impressed him... in Iraq and maybe other middle eastern countries, when a man fathers a boy he gets an alias... abu then the name of his oldest son... im my case its mikey.... so I could be referred to in Iraq as abu mikey.... he replied to me " abu mikey.... aunie abu saad " ( father of mikey.... im father of saad )..... just to reinforce that fact that I knew what I was talking about (like I always do when I refer to myself as abu mikey to Iraqi’s) said to him " mikey hamza sena " ( mikey 5 year ) this is what I was talking about earlier... I don’t know the correct way to specify age.... so I say the word 5 and the word year... most times when I do this the Iraqi im talking to either doesn’t understand what im trying to say or he corrects me and says it the right way for me... this guy didn’t do that..... he replied " saad klathey sena" ( saad 3 year ).... he knew what i was saying and he knew I would understand it if he replied the same way I said it to him.... at this point I went into my standard line of questions I asked most Iraqi’s I talk to.... one thing I will point out is that during our cultural briefings before we deployed one thing that was said to us is that it is customary for Iraqi’s when answering questions to tell you what you want to hear... rather then be honest they will tell you what is considered the right answer or what you think the right answer is.... I found this to be very true, but not with this guy...... i asked him " bush low obama" ( bush or obama ) he said " bush mu z en.... obama," ( bush not good, obama) and then he just shrugged his shoulders ask if to say he doesn’t know.... I asked " saddam low malikie " he said " saddam mu z en.... malikie mu z en " ( saddam not good, malikie not good ) this was the first Iraqi to honestly say that he didn’t like the current president of Iraq.... im sure others ive asked didn’t like him either but they weren’t honest about it.... " il jaysh emreeky z en low mu z en" ( army american, good or not good ) he said with a smirk " il jaysh emreeky, mu z en" ( army American not good )... la, I said, " aunie jundee emreeky, aunie z en " ( no, im an American soldier, im good ).... he smirked again and said " la, il jaysh emreeky mu z en " ( no, army American no good.... " il jaysh iraqi z en low mu z en " ( army Iraqi good or not good ).... " mu z en "..... la I said and ended it there.....

We didn’t talk the rest of the way to the detention facility..... but when we arrived he was more receptive to me... one thing I forgot to mention is that for the first 9 hours that I had him, I would have to walk him cuffed and blindfolded from here to there.... every time we got to any obstacle that he couldn't see , I would say step so that he wouldn’t fall on his face.... after abu graub, busting up detainees became a big no no.... otherwise I probably would have let him fall a few times.... at first he didn’t know what step meant and I didn’t know the Arabic word for it so it was a trial and error thing.... after about 4-5 times I said step, he started to get the feel for the word and what it meant..... However, I would use it for any obstacle.... stairs, curb, rocks, anything in his way he had to step over or on..... When we got back to the detention facility, I was taking him down the stairs of our truck and I said to him step... he reached his foot down and felt what I was talking about and he said to me " dur edge" ..... dur edge I said back to him and he said " e" ( yes )..... Now I knew dur edge means stairs in Arabic..... when we were walking into the facility I had to have him step up on to a curb, and so I said step to him again... he stopped reached out his foot to feel what I was talking about and he said the Arabic would for step up to me.... for the life of me I cant remember the fucking word but I ended up using it 3-4 more times to him when the situation permitted and he knew what to do when I said it.....

I know this conversation may seem trivial, and unimportant...... it may even seem like I made a friend out of a terrorist..... I didn’t.... this guy isn’t my friend..... He knows this and I know this..... I think as time when on, two guys who started out with complete distain for each other, gained a certain level of understanding and mutual respect for one another.... he respected me because I took the time to try to learn is language and his customs, and I respected him because he stood by his beliefs even though he knew they were different then mine..... I will kill this man if im ever in a position where I wouldn’t get in trouble for it, and im sure he would blow my ass up if he sees me on the streets and he was free.... but while in a deadlock where we couldn’t kill one another, we had a little talk, we got to know each other a little, and we gained respect for one another..... This day I will remember for the rest of my life....