I finally have solid information on when i leave iraq.... I have heard it from the horses mouth. Standing in Battalion evesdroping on my platoon sgt. and 1sg, I heard them give solid dates for when we leave. The funny thing is they knew i was evesdroping. I made no attempt to hide the fact that i was. Shit i was standing 5 feet away from them. I stared intently at them listening to everything they were saying and they saw me. I didn't look away or attempt to play off my interest in the conversation. When they looked at me, I looked back at them silently. It was an ackward moment. Just silent staring. Although nothing was said or heard, it kinda sounded like my eyes where saying "hey keep talking fags, i want to know when im going home too". They got the point and continued the conversation.
So, I have a solid confirmed date for when i fly to kuwait from iraq. As for when i leave kuwait for the states, that's still up in the air. I'm being told that it shouldn't be more then 3 days...
That's all I have for now. If you were thinking I was going to tell you the date then your an idiot. I can't because it would violate OPSEC.... but that's not why I wont tell you. I'm not telling because I'm an asshole.... and assholes do asshole things.... lol
Thursday, September 3, 2009
Sunday, August 30, 2009
BIRTHDAY BOY
Once a year we celebrate with stupid hats and plastic plates the fact that I was able to make another trip around the sun.
And the whole clan gathers around and gifts and laughter do abound and we let out a joyful sound and sing that stupid song.
Happy birthday… now I’m one year older
Happy birthday… my life still isn’t over
Happy birthday… I did not accomplish much… but I didn't die this year so I guess that’s good enough.
So lets drink to my fading health and hope that I don’t remind myself my chance of finding fame and wealth decrease with ever year.
It feels like I’m doing laps and eating food and taking naps and hoping that someday perhaps my life will hold some cheer.
Happy birthday… what have I done that matters
Happy birthday… I’m starting to get fatter
Happy birthday… its down hill from now on… ill try not to remind myself my best years are all gone.
If cryogenics were all free then I could live like Walt Disney and live for all eternity inside a block of ice.
But instead my time is set this is the only life I get and though it hasn’t ended yet sometimes I wish it might.
Happy birthday… I wish I had more money
Happy birthday… life’s so sad its funny
Happy birthday… how much more I can take… fuck it, my friends are hungry so I’ll cut the stupid cake.
And the whole clan gathers around and gifts and laughter do abound and we let out a joyful sound and sing that stupid song.
Happy birthday… now I’m one year older
Happy birthday… my life still isn’t over
Happy birthday… I did not accomplish much… but I didn't die this year so I guess that’s good enough.
So lets drink to my fading health and hope that I don’t remind myself my chance of finding fame and wealth decrease with ever year.
It feels like I’m doing laps and eating food and taking naps and hoping that someday perhaps my life will hold some cheer.
Happy birthday… what have I done that matters
Happy birthday… I’m starting to get fatter
Happy birthday… its down hill from now on… ill try not to remind myself my best years are all gone.
If cryogenics were all free then I could live like Walt Disney and live for all eternity inside a block of ice.
But instead my time is set this is the only life I get and though it hasn’t ended yet sometimes I wish it might.
Happy birthday… I wish I had more money
Happy birthday… life’s so sad its funny
Happy birthday… how much more I can take… fuck it, my friends are hungry so I’ll cut the stupid cake.
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
DUALITY OF THE MIND
The finish line is in sight. No longer are we running towards an invisible end. It's so close we can almost reach out and grab it. A month and a half from now I'll look back to this moment while watching a football game on my big screen with one of my friends, either Jack or Beam. I'll be sitting on my couch with my feet kicked up, and some home made chicken wings on the table. I'll be wrestling with my boys during commercials, and giving my wife that "stop talking to me during the game" look while watching my cowboys wreck havoc on the opposition. I'll sit there staring at the screen and at some point during the game my mind will wonder back to this place. I'll come back to this moment in my mind and say to myself, that went by quick. Time flies in hindsight, but I also know that in the moment it can be an eternity. I remember when i was at the 90 day mark. That seems like forever ago. Now I’m down around the 30 day mark and the times going ungodly slow. It seems like for the last 30 days I’ve been between the 30-40 days left mark. The logical side of my brain tells me there's not a difference of 30 between 30-40 (lol, I can count), but physically and subconsciously my mind and body feels as if I've been stuck in a time warp of sorts. Maybe it's because once you get down to the last month you can start counting weeks by default. Or maybe not. Maybe I’m just trying to understand this time pause so that i can unpause it metaphorically speaking. Whatever it is i just want it to be over. It's like for a year I’ve been running at a nice comfortable pace and now that I can see the finish line i want to sprint it out.
A part of me is telling me to slow down though. Don't be in such a hurry to have all of this end. It's telling me to soak it all in and let it resonate with in me. A part of me knows that these last 30 some odd days will probably be the last I ever spend in this country. Like it or not, this country and the two years I've spent here have become a part of my soul. It will all end soon and all I'll have are the memories. Believe it or not, they're all aren’t bad. The bonds formed through tribulation and the friends turned brothers are experiences that I will never forget. As the years pass we will all take different paths through life and disconnect. I'm going to miss my brothers. If i live to be an old man I'll look back on these days and truly feel sad. I'm going to miss these guys. There's a lot to be say for going through a shitty situation while having the luxury of being surrounded by some great people.
I miss my family more then words can express. That's what makes this deployment hard. I'm mentally strong by nature, but not being with my wife and children for a year has the ability to push the limits of my resolve. Soon I'll be with them again. I'll awake to them in the morning and be there when they go to sleep at night. After a while it will become routine and I'll start to miss the guys with whom I've lived with for the past year. Some of them will still be in my life, while others with drift away into the shadows of my memories. It's inevitable. It's a double life that i live. One with my brothers in arms and the other with my love and seeds. I wish like hell the two could merge into a hybrid well balanced life but I fear any attempt of mine to have this wish realized would be fruitless. I know there isn't a way for me to assuage the anguish of the situation. So I'll choose my family..... but miss until my days end the men with whom I stood shoulder to shoulder with in the face of an adversary hell-bent on destroying us.
A part of me is telling me to slow down though. Don't be in such a hurry to have all of this end. It's telling me to soak it all in and let it resonate with in me. A part of me knows that these last 30 some odd days will probably be the last I ever spend in this country. Like it or not, this country and the two years I've spent here have become a part of my soul. It will all end soon and all I'll have are the memories. Believe it or not, they're all aren’t bad. The bonds formed through tribulation and the friends turned brothers are experiences that I will never forget. As the years pass we will all take different paths through life and disconnect. I'm going to miss my brothers. If i live to be an old man I'll look back on these days and truly feel sad. I'm going to miss these guys. There's a lot to be say for going through a shitty situation while having the luxury of being surrounded by some great people.
I miss my family more then words can express. That's what makes this deployment hard. I'm mentally strong by nature, but not being with my wife and children for a year has the ability to push the limits of my resolve. Soon I'll be with them again. I'll awake to them in the morning and be there when they go to sleep at night. After a while it will become routine and I'll start to miss the guys with whom I've lived with for the past year. Some of them will still be in my life, while others with drift away into the shadows of my memories. It's inevitable. It's a double life that i live. One with my brothers in arms and the other with my love and seeds. I wish like hell the two could merge into a hybrid well balanced life but I fear any attempt of mine to have this wish realized would be fruitless. I know there isn't a way for me to assuage the anguish of the situation. So I'll choose my family..... but miss until my days end the men with whom I stood shoulder to shoulder with in the face of an adversary hell-bent on destroying us.
Friday, August 14, 2009
THROUGH AMBER LENSES
All of you who follow my blog know that im on the cusp of ending this bullshit ass year long sentence. My release from this prison is imminent. I'll do my best to keep the blog going while back in the rear. I'm sure there will be plent to bitch about. But the Iraqi trail doesnt end here. Theres a new crop of rookies and seasoned vets embarking on another deployment of their own. Probably the last major cycle of deployees in this country.
I've found one new bloger named Jason whos in Kuwait right now days away from making his second push up to this shit hole. He's a good writer and from what i can tell from the few post he has on his blog, a good guy.
The end of a war is just as signifigant historical as the begining. He should be one of the unlucky ones who gets to wrap this pile of shit in to a nice and neat package before he steps off. I urge everyone to stop by and check him out
throughamberlenses.blogspot.com
NUGHT....
I've found one new bloger named Jason whos in Kuwait right now days away from making his second push up to this shit hole. He's a good writer and from what i can tell from the few post he has on his blog, a good guy.
The end of a war is just as signifigant historical as the begining. He should be one of the unlucky ones who gets to wrap this pile of shit in to a nice and neat package before he steps off. I urge everyone to stop by and check him out
throughamberlenses.blogspot.com
NUGHT....
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
A LITTLE OF THIS A LITTLE OF THAT... PART 1
....AAFEES....
Government sanctioned monopoly... They are the only major company allowed to sell on military post world wide. To those not in the know... The PX and commissary are aafees run businesses. Other then the Pog scam they run in Iraq and Afghanistan I really have never had a problem with them... But now they are forcing all the little cheap Iraq shops off the bases in Iraq. The main target of aafees is the DVD shops. All acrossed Iraq you can get pirated DVD's that in some cases arnt even in theaters for 2 bucks a piece. These shops are extremely popular among soldiers. I would guess that movie time in Iraq occupies the majority of down time for soldiers. But aafees isn't selling any DVD's. At 20 bucks a pop and 2 months lag comparatively with their new movies, they sell next to none. So they decided to play the piracy card to force the military to stop the sales of their competitors so that they can force soldiers to buy their 10X more expensive products. They can claim all day long that their plight is legitimate and that piracy is wrong, but the bottom line is that these stores are cutting into their profits. Aafees has always claimed to be for the soldiers. But its clear that the soldiers interest take a far back seat to Aafess mission..... PROFITS.......... FUCK AAFEES.
.....IMPORTANT PEOPLE DOOR......
Through the course of contemplating this I think I've been able to identify a pet peeve of mine. Stupid rules for the sake of having rules really bugs me for some reason. Huh, imaging that. Rules are restrictions. The more restrictions places on a group of people the more opportunity you give them to do the wrong thing. Restrictions in my mind are directly correlated with stress, moral, and overall happiness with the situation you are placed. I've found that in situations with alot of little stupid rules the moral is way down among the people affected. Stress is way up, and no one is happy to be where they are. Contrary to that, when in situations where there are no little unimportant rules moral is high, the stress levels are considerably lower and most everyone is happy to be where they are. Now i understand the need for rules, but I think you need to balance the importance of the rule against it's effects.
SITUATION: In our CP we have two entrances. A front and back door. They both lead to the common area inside the CP. For the longest time everyone was allowed to come in and out of both doors to enter and exit the CP. After a crack down of sorts on our platoon, the back door to the CP was designated for squad leaders and above. That's 4 people out of the 30+ in the platoon that are allowed to use this door. At first this rule felt like any other rule that's spurs from an impulse pissed off rant. I figured the door would be off limits for a week or two, then everyone would slowly start using it again until everything went back to normal. Much like when i was a kid and my parents would impose a dumb rule that affected my day to day norms because they were mad about something else. After a while that rule went away. All it took was a cooling off period and the rule would dissipate. Well it's been like 2 months in this rule is still in affect. What bothers me is that it severs no legitimate purpose. All it does is make those who are allowed to use the door fell superior to those who arn't. It's funny cause when a lower then squad leader level soldier comes and goes through this door the important guys ( squad leaders and above ) actually fell slighted. They have a look on their face that suggest that your in some way challenging their superiority or that you in some facet are putting yourself on their level. It's amazing how insecure some people are. That is why i have dubbed this door the IMPORTANT PEOPLE DOOR, cause it makes those who can use it fell important. Bottom line, if my avenue of approach is from the back of the building, im coming through the back door. It's absolutely ignorant to suggest that i walk all the way around the building to come through the front door just to satisfy to parameters of this asinine rule. To date i haven't been called out by any of the important people for use the door but a couple of privates have corrected me for using it. "Sgt McNeil, that's a E-6 and above door.... We arn't allowed to use it".... [ I smile back ] "I know".
....TO BE CONTINUED.....
Government sanctioned monopoly... They are the only major company allowed to sell on military post world wide. To those not in the know... The PX and commissary are aafees run businesses. Other then the Pog scam they run in Iraq and Afghanistan I really have never had a problem with them... But now they are forcing all the little cheap Iraq shops off the bases in Iraq. The main target of aafees is the DVD shops. All acrossed Iraq you can get pirated DVD's that in some cases arnt even in theaters for 2 bucks a piece. These shops are extremely popular among soldiers. I would guess that movie time in Iraq occupies the majority of down time for soldiers. But aafees isn't selling any DVD's. At 20 bucks a pop and 2 months lag comparatively with their new movies, they sell next to none. So they decided to play the piracy card to force the military to stop the sales of their competitors so that they can force soldiers to buy their 10X more expensive products. They can claim all day long that their plight is legitimate and that piracy is wrong, but the bottom line is that these stores are cutting into their profits. Aafees has always claimed to be for the soldiers. But its clear that the soldiers interest take a far back seat to Aafess mission..... PROFITS.......... FUCK AAFEES.
.....IMPORTANT PEOPLE DOOR......
Through the course of contemplating this I think I've been able to identify a pet peeve of mine. Stupid rules for the sake of having rules really bugs me for some reason. Huh, imaging that. Rules are restrictions. The more restrictions places on a group of people the more opportunity you give them to do the wrong thing. Restrictions in my mind are directly correlated with stress, moral, and overall happiness with the situation you are placed. I've found that in situations with alot of little stupid rules the moral is way down among the people affected. Stress is way up, and no one is happy to be where they are. Contrary to that, when in situations where there are no little unimportant rules moral is high, the stress levels are considerably lower and most everyone is happy to be where they are. Now i understand the need for rules, but I think you need to balance the importance of the rule against it's effects.
SITUATION: In our CP we have two entrances. A front and back door. They both lead to the common area inside the CP. For the longest time everyone was allowed to come in and out of both doors to enter and exit the CP. After a crack down of sorts on our platoon, the back door to the CP was designated for squad leaders and above. That's 4 people out of the 30+ in the platoon that are allowed to use this door. At first this rule felt like any other rule that's spurs from an impulse pissed off rant. I figured the door would be off limits for a week or two, then everyone would slowly start using it again until everything went back to normal. Much like when i was a kid and my parents would impose a dumb rule that affected my day to day norms because they were mad about something else. After a while that rule went away. All it took was a cooling off period and the rule would dissipate. Well it's been like 2 months in this rule is still in affect. What bothers me is that it severs no legitimate purpose. All it does is make those who are allowed to use the door fell superior to those who arn't. It's funny cause when a lower then squad leader level soldier comes and goes through this door the important guys ( squad leaders and above ) actually fell slighted. They have a look on their face that suggest that your in some way challenging their superiority or that you in some facet are putting yourself on their level. It's amazing how insecure some people are. That is why i have dubbed this door the IMPORTANT PEOPLE DOOR, cause it makes those who can use it fell important. Bottom line, if my avenue of approach is from the back of the building, im coming through the back door. It's absolutely ignorant to suggest that i walk all the way around the building to come through the front door just to satisfy to parameters of this asinine rule. To date i haven't been called out by any of the important people for use the door but a couple of privates have corrected me for using it. "Sgt McNeil, that's a E-6 and above door.... We arn't allowed to use it".... [ I smile back ] "I know".
....TO BE CONTINUED.....
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
AN I LOVE ME MOMENT
Im a little scuffed up after some rough housing... boys will be boys as they say...
I dont know what it is but im looking at something...
playing with the MP5... its a fun little weapon.. i have a video of me shooting it but it wont load here... maybe once im back in the states i will be able to load it.
guys play dress up too... lol, this is my pirate shot.
i want a sword.... is that weird...
air guitar on the MP5, i think i exhausted all possible poses with this thing.
smoking by the fire... thats our fire pit.. we burn everything... fire = fun.
OWN ROOM
wrapping up the final 50 or so days of the deployment and i have finally got my own room. These are usually reserved for the higher ranking guys but this lowly E-5 has broken through. It's really nice being able to disconnect from everything and everyone. The best part of the whole situation is, when my squad leaves this home for our other in about a month, i will have my own room there as well... right now im currently sharing that room with one of the other squad leaders in the platoon... when im here (5 days a week), he has his own room... the reason we will be leaving this home for good in about a month is because we have 6 National Guard guys attached to our platoon. they will be leaving Iraq earlier then the rest of us. when they leave, our squad will go back to where the rest of our platoon is and reconsolidate our Joe's to keep our three squad size. my roommate over in the other place is one of the National Guard guys whose going home. so ill be going back there for good when hes going back home for good... which means ill still have a room all to myself.
finishing strong finishing strong...
finishing strong finishing strong...
Friday, July 10, 2009
LIFE AFTER THE SOFA...
It's been about two weeks since the June 30th transition and the whats and how’s are finally starting to show themselves... Leading up to the deadline I was irate... I couldn’t fathom why the worlds "best army" still had their heads so far up their asses and no one know what would happen on the 30th or how it would affect us... 2 months out the rumor mill was hot and heavy... We heard things like no MRAP's would be allowed in sector, and any time we leave the wire we would have to be with IA or IP's... We heard that everyone would move out of the city's and as an effort to decrease our footprint, and that we would take a back seat to the Iraqi's.... Most of this is some what true, but we by no means have are feet on the ground with this yet... There are still many unknowns and a lot of confusion... Here’s my take on the SOFA after a couple weeks..
Really quick.... DISCLAIMER....
This is my low rank low knowledge boots on the ground from my eyes view of things... this is in no way policy or "the standard"... The SOFA encompasses all of Iraq... I'm only in Baghdad....
First, we can't leave the wire between the hours of 5 in the morning and midnight unless our assistance is requested from the country of Iraq.... That hasn’t happened yet and I don't suspect it will... So for the most part there’s been a lot of sitting around... From the hours of midnight to 4 in the morning we are free to do what ever... It kinda sucks because all the logistical bullshit we have to do has to be done between these hours... being that we are 20 minutes away from our "HQ" all the bullshit dispatching vehicles, filling out paper work, sensitive items checks, and all the other time consuming nonsense requires us to convoy across Baghdad between these hours...
Second, the MRAP thing was kinda true, but a few units were give exception... My unit still get to use our MRAP's and a few QRF's are allowed them as well... Everyone else has to roll in the less protective Humvees.... This was one of the changes that really pissed me off... Even though it doesn’t affect me I found it hard to believe that our government would sign an agreement that included a stipulation that forces us to down grade our protection.... Point blank, that’s what it does... Humvees are much more likely to produce casualties in an IED blast then MRAP's are, but some self important big titled dick decided while sitting in his air conditioned office behind his desk that giving in on this issue was an acceptable compromise...
Why did Iraq want us to stop rolling MRAP's? Well MRAP's are big heavy vehicles... when we run over curbs or when in small mahollas we damage the infrastructure... Curbs sometimes break under the weight of the trucks and low hanging power lines in the tightly congested mahollas sometimes get ripped down... Ok, that’s a legitimate gripe, but giving up the MRAP's translates into potentially more US soldiers dying in IED's... Humvees are a much softer target... So to me this is a no brainier.... The power lines and curbs are acceptable collateral damage... If it means more soldiers will survive this war then tough shit Iraq... It comes down to this, who ever approved this stipulation within the SOFA even though they won't say it out loud, thought this... Making soldiers roll in the less protective humvees and risking more lives is acceptable... Then curbs and power lines are more important...
Third, the SOFA puts us in a tough spot... On the 30th a route clearing element in my Bat. was pelted by rocks go thru IA checkpoints.... The LT in charge of the convoy instructed his trucks to do nothing.... One whole side of one of the trucks had all the windows smashed... I rolled early morning on the 30th and got flipped off by IA a few times... They were singing and dancing on there trucks in a taunting way... I really wanted to stop.... The illusion of superiority is rampid in Baghdad with the Iraqi's... When I’m on the road, Iraq isn't superior to shit... These are the guys who we will have to role with if they ask... Some of them are corrupt... Not all, and probably not most, but some... Whats to stop them from leading us right into an ambush... I don't trust them at all... Another element that’s challenging is that there are a few different authorities in Iraq... The IP's, IA's, NP's, Sons of Iraq, and so on and so forth.... They all done get along or like each other... Each one feels superior to the other... So when we were being escorted by the NP's the other day we had trouble going thru IA check points... They IA's gave us a hard time because they don’t like NP's... We sat in a check point in the thick of traffic just hoping no one wanted to attack us... It would have been a tactical nightmare... No maneuverability, and just two US gun trucks.... I doubt the NP's would have stuck around for any kind of fight...
So as you can see the challenges are plentiful... I'm just hoping to make it thru the next 80 days so that i can pass this headache onto the next guy.... Hey fuck you buddy i didn’t my time... Good luck...
Really quick.... DISCLAIMER....
This is my low rank low knowledge boots on the ground from my eyes view of things... this is in no way policy or "the standard"... The SOFA encompasses all of Iraq... I'm only in Baghdad....
First, we can't leave the wire between the hours of 5 in the morning and midnight unless our assistance is requested from the country of Iraq.... That hasn’t happened yet and I don't suspect it will... So for the most part there’s been a lot of sitting around... From the hours of midnight to 4 in the morning we are free to do what ever... It kinda sucks because all the logistical bullshit we have to do has to be done between these hours... being that we are 20 minutes away from our "HQ" all the bullshit dispatching vehicles, filling out paper work, sensitive items checks, and all the other time consuming nonsense requires us to convoy across Baghdad between these hours...
Second, the MRAP thing was kinda true, but a few units were give exception... My unit still get to use our MRAP's and a few QRF's are allowed them as well... Everyone else has to roll in the less protective Humvees.... This was one of the changes that really pissed me off... Even though it doesn’t affect me I found it hard to believe that our government would sign an agreement that included a stipulation that forces us to down grade our protection.... Point blank, that’s what it does... Humvees are much more likely to produce casualties in an IED blast then MRAP's are, but some self important big titled dick decided while sitting in his air conditioned office behind his desk that giving in on this issue was an acceptable compromise...
Why did Iraq want us to stop rolling MRAP's? Well MRAP's are big heavy vehicles... when we run over curbs or when in small mahollas we damage the infrastructure... Curbs sometimes break under the weight of the trucks and low hanging power lines in the tightly congested mahollas sometimes get ripped down... Ok, that’s a legitimate gripe, but giving up the MRAP's translates into potentially more US soldiers dying in IED's... Humvees are a much softer target... So to me this is a no brainier.... The power lines and curbs are acceptable collateral damage... If it means more soldiers will survive this war then tough shit Iraq... It comes down to this, who ever approved this stipulation within the SOFA even though they won't say it out loud, thought this... Making soldiers roll in the less protective humvees and risking more lives is acceptable... Then curbs and power lines are more important...
Third, the SOFA puts us in a tough spot... On the 30th a route clearing element in my Bat. was pelted by rocks go thru IA checkpoints.... The LT in charge of the convoy instructed his trucks to do nothing.... One whole side of one of the trucks had all the windows smashed... I rolled early morning on the 30th and got flipped off by IA a few times... They were singing and dancing on there trucks in a taunting way... I really wanted to stop.... The illusion of superiority is rampid in Baghdad with the Iraqi's... When I’m on the road, Iraq isn't superior to shit... These are the guys who we will have to role with if they ask... Some of them are corrupt... Not all, and probably not most, but some... Whats to stop them from leading us right into an ambush... I don't trust them at all... Another element that’s challenging is that there are a few different authorities in Iraq... The IP's, IA's, NP's, Sons of Iraq, and so on and so forth.... They all done get along or like each other... Each one feels superior to the other... So when we were being escorted by the NP's the other day we had trouble going thru IA check points... They IA's gave us a hard time because they don’t like NP's... We sat in a check point in the thick of traffic just hoping no one wanted to attack us... It would have been a tactical nightmare... No maneuverability, and just two US gun trucks.... I doubt the NP's would have stuck around for any kind of fight...
So as you can see the challenges are plentiful... I'm just hoping to make it thru the next 80 days so that i can pass this headache onto the next guy.... Hey fuck you buddy i didn’t my time... Good luck...
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
THE PATROL
I’m point man on a dismounted foot patrol thru the streets of Baghdad. It’s just my squad, our Iraqi meet and greet escort, and me. We walk thru narrow streets with shop vendors and concrete barriers all around us. Multi sized buildings congest the skyline and piles of trash and rubble line the streets. The locals stay out of our way but stare more inconspicuously then normal. As a show of force, I stare back. It must be 120 degrees outside because I can feel the salts starting to crystallize on my forehead. That’s when you know your dehydrated, when you stop sweating. I’m feeling the locals staring and its starting to overwhelm me. A sense of impending doom consumes me, and now im paranoid and I feel alone. Every look, every movement, every car, driving or parked now feels threatening. Times like these you can feel your trigger finger tighten on the trigger and your thumb putting slight pressure on the selector switch. Tunnel vision creeps in. All I see is the potential threats, but we keep moving. Each block is exactly the same as the last, but completely different. Same smells, but different piles of trash. Same looks, but different locals. Same skyline, but different buildings. It’s the same but its not. My tunnel vision and paranoia die down and a feeling of acceptance takes its place. Complacency creeps in and we keep moving. I can hear the sidebar conversations behind me and I can see dogs up head playing. It reminds me of my dogs back home. I watch them intently to see which one wins the scuffle and BANG…. All thought stops.
An explosion on the left side of the street engulfs us. The concussion itself is very powerful and violent. I’m thrown across the street in to a concrete wall. Lifeless and thoughtless for a few seconds I lay there still. Then in an instant my mind comes back to my body. I open my eyes and I can see if thick black smoke all around me. Fear and adrenaline are racing thru me. I’m so high on it right now I probably couldn’t even tell if I was hurt. I fear for the worst though. I try to move my arms and legs, check. I move my head and neck, check. I feel my stomach and torso, check. I sit up and check for blood by running my hands down my legs and arms, check. I think im alright so I stand up. The thick smoke is starting to dissipate and I can now see some of my other squad members checking themselves, but I can’t hear anything. I run over to them. After about another minute of checks everyone is accounted for and no one is seriously hurt. We start lifting our muzzles and scanning everything. Rooftops, windows, cars, doorways, alleyways, but see nothing and no one. Was this street empty when we came on to it? Did I not notice that no locals were around? We all are gathered in some what of a security formation on the right side of the street. I look over to the left and I can see the blast seat from the explosion. Black char is on all the Jersey barriers. I walk over to it. I stare intently at the big black crater the IED left. Anger, rage, and the never stopping adrenaline pump is all I feel. I look behind the jersey barriers and everything slows down. Seconds are like hours and fear takes over my body. The kind of fear that complete immobilizes you. I can’t move. All I can see is three secondary devices behind the barriers, and I‘m standing right over top of them. I turn back to my squad and yell SECON BANG. Then I woke up.
I couldn’t even get the words out of my mouth before they went off. The term is secondary’s. After an IED is found or detonated your suppose to sweep for secondary’s. Secondary devices are emplaced so that after the first one goes off who every comes up to examine the blast can get taken out.
I’ve been trying to figure out what these dream means. I’m I going to get hit by another IED? Is it warning me about my complacency? WTF. These dreams are starting to become common place again. I’m starting to remember more and more of them and most of them are bad. I don’t think I want to remember anymore dreams. My dreams suck.
An explosion on the left side of the street engulfs us. The concussion itself is very powerful and violent. I’m thrown across the street in to a concrete wall. Lifeless and thoughtless for a few seconds I lay there still. Then in an instant my mind comes back to my body. I open my eyes and I can see if thick black smoke all around me. Fear and adrenaline are racing thru me. I’m so high on it right now I probably couldn’t even tell if I was hurt. I fear for the worst though. I try to move my arms and legs, check. I move my head and neck, check. I feel my stomach and torso, check. I sit up and check for blood by running my hands down my legs and arms, check. I think im alright so I stand up. The thick smoke is starting to dissipate and I can now see some of my other squad members checking themselves, but I can’t hear anything. I run over to them. After about another minute of checks everyone is accounted for and no one is seriously hurt. We start lifting our muzzles and scanning everything. Rooftops, windows, cars, doorways, alleyways, but see nothing and no one. Was this street empty when we came on to it? Did I not notice that no locals were around? We all are gathered in some what of a security formation on the right side of the street. I look over to the left and I can see the blast seat from the explosion. Black char is on all the Jersey barriers. I walk over to it. I stare intently at the big black crater the IED left. Anger, rage, and the never stopping adrenaline pump is all I feel. I look behind the jersey barriers and everything slows down. Seconds are like hours and fear takes over my body. The kind of fear that complete immobilizes you. I can’t move. All I can see is three secondary devices behind the barriers, and I‘m standing right over top of them. I turn back to my squad and yell SECON BANG. Then I woke up.
I couldn’t even get the words out of my mouth before they went off. The term is secondary’s. After an IED is found or detonated your suppose to sweep for secondary’s. Secondary devices are emplaced so that after the first one goes off who every comes up to examine the blast can get taken out.
I’ve been trying to figure out what these dream means. I’m I going to get hit by another IED? Is it warning me about my complacency? WTF. These dreams are starting to become common place again. I’m starting to remember more and more of them and most of them are bad. I don’t think I want to remember anymore dreams. My dreams suck.
Sunday, July 5, 2009
BLAH
The internet sucks here in my new home.... it's about the only thing that sucks here... i have about 90 days left till im home.... thats if i dont go home early... i heard i might because im PCSing to Germany in Jan... its probably just smoke being blown up my ass but we'll see... sorry about the inactivity on the blog.... so much shit happens on a daily basis that its hard to keep you all updated.... i tried the week long photo blog thing too... it last about 15 hours... then i said fuck this shit... so many good things happened that i didnt get pictures of... i cant leave out stuff like sticks head butting bermutes and spliting his head open in the process... or my squad fucking with me when i was in the shower.... making walk back to my room stark naked.... or the 15 other things i didnt have my camera for... it would have been bland and boring and not an accurate representation of the week being documented.... so fuck it.... maybe next deployment.... other then that i really dont have much to say.... till next time... Nught out....
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