Tuesday, July 7, 2009

THE PATROL

I’m point man on a dismounted foot patrol thru the streets of Baghdad. It’s just my squad, our Iraqi meet and greet escort, and me. We walk thru narrow streets with shop vendors and concrete barriers all around us. Multi sized buildings congest the skyline and piles of trash and rubble line the streets. The locals stay out of our way but stare more inconspicuously then normal. As a show of force, I stare back. It must be 120 degrees outside because I can feel the salts starting to crystallize on my forehead. That’s when you know your dehydrated, when you stop sweating. I’m feeling the locals staring and its starting to overwhelm me. A sense of impending doom consumes me, and now im paranoid and I feel alone. Every look, every movement, every car, driving or parked now feels threatening. Times like these you can feel your trigger finger tighten on the trigger and your thumb putting slight pressure on the selector switch. Tunnel vision creeps in. All I see is the potential threats, but we keep moving. Each block is exactly the same as the last, but completely different. Same smells, but different piles of trash. Same looks, but different locals. Same skyline, but different buildings. It’s the same but its not. My tunnel vision and paranoia die down and a feeling of acceptance takes its place. Complacency creeps in and we keep moving. I can hear the sidebar conversations behind me and I can see dogs up head playing. It reminds me of my dogs back home. I watch them intently to see which one wins the scuffle and BANG…. All thought stops.

An explosion on the left side of the street engulfs us. The concussion itself is very powerful and violent. I’m thrown across the street in to a concrete wall. Lifeless and thoughtless for a few seconds I lay there still. Then in an instant my mind comes back to my body. I open my eyes and I can see if thick black smoke all around me. Fear and adrenaline are racing thru me. I’m so high on it right now I probably couldn’t even tell if I was hurt. I fear for the worst though. I try to move my arms and legs, check. I move my head and neck, check. I feel my stomach and torso, check. I sit up and check for blood by running my hands down my legs and arms, check. I think im alright so I stand up. The thick smoke is starting to dissipate and I can now see some of my other squad members checking themselves, but I can’t hear anything. I run over to them. After about another minute of checks everyone is accounted for and no one is seriously hurt. We start lifting our muzzles and scanning everything. Rooftops, windows, cars, doorways, alleyways, but see nothing and no one. Was this street empty when we came on to it? Did I not notice that no locals were around? We all are gathered in some what of a security formation on the right side of the street. I look over to the left and I can see the blast seat from the explosion. Black char is on all the Jersey barriers. I walk over to it. I stare intently at the big black crater the IED left. Anger, rage, and the never stopping adrenaline pump is all I feel. I look behind the jersey barriers and everything slows down. Seconds are like hours and fear takes over my body. The kind of fear that complete immobilizes you. I can’t move. All I can see is three secondary devices behind the barriers, and I‘m standing right over top of them. I turn back to my squad and yell SECON BANG. Then I woke up.

I couldn’t even get the words out of my mouth before they went off. The term is secondary’s. After an IED is found or detonated your suppose to sweep for secondary’s. Secondary devices are emplaced so that after the first one goes off who every comes up to examine the blast can get taken out.

I’ve been trying to figure out what these dream means. I’m I going to get hit by another IED? Is it warning me about my complacency? WTF. These dreams are starting to become common place again. I’m starting to remember more and more of them and most of them are bad. I don’t think I want to remember anymore dreams. My dreams suck.

12 comments:

Mayhem At The McNeils said...

that was the worst way EVER to say it was a dream!!! Geeze!!!! Im sooooo relieved thats all it was. your going through and have been through a lot of stuff hubby. its normal to have these kinds of dreams. i think the reason why you remembered this one is b/c i=the time you have left is coming to a close and your wanting to be home...but obviously your still in iraq-where its dangerous. Anythings possible and you know that. its your worries coming out through your sleep. Hang in there love and just keep an extra eye out and beofre you know it you will be bcak home safe and sound with your family who cannot wait to hug you!
love you always and forever
stay on your guard just in case its is a premination dream! i know you will!

Anonymous said...

Dude, I am so sorry. This is what happens, you know that. This is your body awareness trying to get you listen. It's trying to tell you you have been in danger, and it's telling you while you're asleep. How you stand on politics, war, none of that stuff matters to your body. It wants to stay alive and stay safe. Obviously you've tried to ignore it, that doesn't work forever. This is one of the extra costs of war and trauma. It has nothing to do with how strong or tough you are. It comes from being made out of meat.
I hope you're out of there soon. z

Anonymous said...

You are afraid of dying. Once you are no longer afraid of death, dreams like this will stop and you will live.

Anonymous said...

This is well written, in my opinion! I forgot to mention that. z

membrain said...

I have to agree with the posts above. It was well written and invoked the sense of tension you intended. A good way to empart in only a small way to our minds what it was like to be in that dream.

The dream is your mind's natural reaction to stress and hightened awareness.

Stay safe and get out of Iraq soon.

Anonymous said...

NUGHT,
I felt like I was there with you. You have a real talent for writing; I'm sorry it was such a **** dream! I hope nothing like that happens to you or any of your men while you're still over there. Stay safe and thank you so much for your service!

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友達募集 said...

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家出 said...

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