SITREP

Well, I've been waiting patiently for my situation to improve..... as it was put to me back in the middle of march, "we'll play it day by day" my 1sg told me..... then i found out that the one thing in the way of me leaving this platoon is the 6 new MP's that were suppose to arrive on the 24th.... lol..... well that's come and gone and...... NO MP'S......... when they do get here i will be going somewhere else.... I've narrowed it down to 3-4 different places that in my mind, i could go....... i really don't care which one it is...... I've worked with all of them or at least know them all..... I'm sure i will assume my new role with any of them without hitch.......

when do the new MP's get here........ well if your subscription to joe radio hasn't expired.... then you know as well as I do that they will be here the first week of April...... lol...... so what exactly does that mean...... probably around the end of April...... i really don't know, and that people that do know when, like to hoard that info to themselves..... why..... don't fucking ask me, it seems to me that divulging that info wouldn't hurt anyone.... I've found that their are a lot of those information holding self important types in the army.... i fucking hate that trait.....

right now...... I've been relegated to being in charge of ME..... i have no soldiers now, and i don't have a leader..... I'm a one man army..... my squad leader doesn't fuck with me at all since our falling out... occasionally he tries to engage me in small talk but i usually just walk the fuck away from him..... i still cant shake the constant feeling of wanting to fucking choke him..... i feel like I've be placed outside of the squad..... i wouldn't have it any other way...... the only time i am brought back into the fold is when there is a discussion of tactics or some form of tactical planning.... i don't even have chirp up, I'm asked my opinion..... with that they base their plan off of my do's and don'ts list.....

the soldiers still rely on me as a source of experience..... they will ask me sometimes how to do this or how to do that...... even with my disdain for the squad leader, i wont deprive the soldiers of correct development...... in my mind, with the lack of competent leadership in the squad, its my job to see to the development of the soldiers.... i recognize that one day these soldiers will be leaders.... if they are never exposed to the correct way of doing things, they will set up for failure, and will fail their soldiers when the time comes.......i routinely try to teach them how to dissect the situation and form a logical tactical plan.... i force them to think about situations, and then tell me what we should do as a squad..... when we are in sector, i will ask a random soldier, what should we do right now.... if you were in charge what would you have us do and why...... after a little prodding, i get them to see the important aspects of the situation..... i get them to reformulate there thinking off of what the situation is giving us..... i can already see that this way of development has gone along way with them...... they are already starting to offer corrections to previously thought to be correct ways of doing things.... even after I'm gone, i will continue to make myself available to them when or if they have any questions..... i subscribe to the belief that once my soldier, always my soldier......

until the day comes that can move on.... ill continue this numbing process......

NUGHT OUT.....

Three Minutes In Time

I've spent the last two days reflecting on an experience I will not soon forget.... there are many things I bitch about.... the army has plenty short comings.... I have a tendency to focus on the things that need improvement, and that are lacking..... rarely do I reflect or share the experiences that my job has made me privy to.... there are many things I've seen or been a party to simply because of the job I chose.... some of these things have had a lasting impact on me and ill carry to the grave... others go without reflection and are buried deep inside of me..... sometimes though, I experience something that few will ever have an opportunity to experience and like a snap shot in time, they are forever imprinted on my soul.... these experiences are special because they shape the foundation of who I am and what I think...

two days ago I spent the better part of 10 hours in the presence of a high value terrorist.... he had been captured at some point previous to this day, and it was my squads job to escort him to an Iraq judge and then back to the detention facility..... this man wasn't a bomb maker... he wasn't a foot soldier for a radical movement.... he was a high ranking architect of a group that has attacked and killed many soldiers..... this man orchestrated the movements, recruitment, rhetoric, bomb making, transportation, financing, emplacement, and all other logistics involved with the coordination of such an element... nine of the ten hours I spent in the presence of this guy, there was no talking... no, he hadn't said a word since he had been captured..... He wouldn't talk to any of the interrogators..... he didn't talk the whole way to the court house, and he didn't talk the entire time we were there ( about 9 hours ).... but when it was time to take him back, I took a shot.... what ensued was a simple conversation that I will never forget.... it wasn't necessarily the content of the conversation but more the gravity of the situation... here was a high ranking terrorist who wouldn't talk to anyone... but he talked to me....

now one thing I want to point out that I noticed right off the bat was that he made a conscience effort to talk to me at my really low level Arabic... I have talked with many Iraqi's and one thing they all do once they know that I know a little Arabic is over whelm me with it.... I speak very simple broken Arabic to them, they come back at me with long, fast, and correctly, structured Arabic.... it leaves me lost and confused... I don't know what the hell we're talking about any more and it makes communication between us suck.... this guy immediately recognized my level of Arabic and he spoke to me at it.... he didn't speak fast, he didn't use a lot of words and he even went out of his way to use broken Arabic that he knew I would understand..... He would use words that I had already said to him and he would structure it the same way I structured it to him....

before I get into the conversation we had, I want it to be known that my dissent for this man and my desire to kill him was very much real but internalized..... He wasn't my friend and he knew this... I wasn't his friend and he made no gesture to symbolize other wise..... On the contrary, I felt very much from his body language and the look in his eyes, that he hated me as much as I did him..... Even though we were civil in our conversation, we both knew that if we were to have happened on to each other in a different situation, I would have made every attempt to snatch the life right out of him..… and he would have tried the same, this fact wasn't lost to either of us.... he didn't try to act like my friend or act like he liked me... he didn't want anything from me..... I would be willing to bet this was the first time he casually spoke to an American in his life..... He hated me and he wasn't trying to hide it... I hated him and I wasn't going to hide it.... we were enemies of the worst kind.... but for a brief 3 min conversation, we put that aside and engaged each other without sacrificing our beliefs or feelings..... He was surprisingly honest in his answering of my questions.... I know this because his answers were not aimed at pleasing me, but rather standing behind what he believes.... he wasn't rude, loud, disgusted or insulting... he was simply honest....

*THE CONVERSATION*

it started when I loaded him into our truck, preparing for our trek back across Baghdad.... he was handcuffed and blindfolded in the seat cattycorner to mine... while we were sitting there waiting for the everyone to get ready to go, I made a simple statement in Arabic that I thought might induce a reaction.... I said " la abwha nasifay il yom in shal la.... which translated word for word means ( no ied's today god willing ).... he replied immediately with cuffed hands raised to the sky " in shal la " ( god willing ).... I then introduced myself to him.... I said "aunie adreef mcneil" ( im sgt. mcneil )... he said blah blah blah.... I don’t remember his real name but if I had I still wouldn’t have told you.... then I said to him " aunie adreef mcneil low abu mikey " ( im sgt mcneil or father of mikey...... this took him by surprise.... the fact that I knew this custom really impressed him... in Iraq and maybe other middle eastern countries, when a man fathers a boy he gets an alias... abu then the name of his oldest son... im my case its mikey.... so I could be referred to in Iraq as abu mikey.... he replied to me " abu mikey.... aunie abu saad " ( father of mikey.... im father of saad )..... just to reinforce that fact that I knew what I was talking about (like I always do when I refer to myself as abu mikey to Iraqi’s) said to him " mikey hamza sena " ( mikey 5 year ) this is what I was talking about earlier... I don’t know the correct way to specify age.... so I say the word 5 and the word year... most times when I do this the Iraqi im talking to either doesn’t understand what im trying to say or he corrects me and says it the right way for me... this guy didn’t do that..... he replied " saad klathey sena" ( saad 3 year ).... he knew what i was saying and he knew I would understand it if he replied the same way I said it to him.... at this point I went into my standard line of questions I asked most Iraqi’s I talk to.... one thing I will point out is that during our cultural briefings before we deployed one thing that was said to us is that it is customary for Iraqi’s when answering questions to tell you what you want to hear... rather then be honest they will tell you what is considered the right answer or what you think the right answer is.... I found this to be very true, but not with this guy...... i asked him " bush low obama" ( bush or obama ) he said " bush mu z en.... obama," ( bush not good, obama) and then he just shrugged his shoulders ask if to say he doesn’t know.... I asked " saddam low malikie " he said " saddam mu z en.... malikie mu z en " ( saddam not good, malikie not good ) this was the first Iraqi to honestly say that he didn’t like the current president of Iraq.... im sure others ive asked didn’t like him either but they weren’t honest about it.... " il jaysh emreeky z en low mu z en" ( army american, good or not good ) he said with a smirk " il jaysh emreeky, mu z en" ( army American not good )... la, I said, " aunie jundee emreeky, aunie z en " ( no, im an American soldier, im good ).... he smirked again and said " la, il jaysh emreeky mu z en " ( no, army American no good.... " il jaysh iraqi z en low mu z en " ( army Iraqi good or not good ).... " mu z en "..... la I said and ended it there.....

We didn’t talk the rest of the way to the detention facility..... but when we arrived he was more receptive to me... one thing I forgot to mention is that for the first 9 hours that I had him, I would have to walk him cuffed and blindfolded from here to there.... every time we got to any obstacle that he couldn't see , I would say step so that he wouldn’t fall on his face.... after abu graub, busting up detainees became a big no no.... otherwise I probably would have let him fall a few times.... at first he didn’t know what step meant and I didn’t know the Arabic word for it so it was a trial and error thing.... after about 4-5 times I said step, he started to get the feel for the word and what it meant..... However, I would use it for any obstacle.... stairs, curb, rocks, anything in his way he had to step over or on..... When we got back to the detention facility, I was taking him down the stairs of our truck and I said to him step... he reached his foot down and felt what I was talking about and he said to me " dur edge" ..... dur edge I said back to him and he said " e" ( yes )..... Now I knew dur edge means stairs in Arabic..... when we were walking into the facility I had to have him step up on to a curb, and so I said step to him again... he stopped reached out his foot to feel what I was talking about and he said the Arabic would for step up to me.... for the life of me I cant remember the fucking word but I ended up using it 3-4 more times to him when the situation permitted and he knew what to do when I said it.....

I know this conversation may seem trivial, and unimportant...... it may even seem like I made a friend out of a terrorist..... I didn’t.... this guy isn’t my friend..... He knows this and I know this..... I think as time when on, two guys who started out with complete distain for each other, gained a certain level of understanding and mutual respect for one another.... he respected me because I took the time to try to learn is language and his customs, and I respected him because he stood by his beliefs even though he knew they were different then mine..... I will kill this man if im ever in a position where I wouldn’t get in trouble for it, and im sure he would blow my ass up if he sees me on the streets and he was free.... but while in a deadlock where we couldn’t kill one another, we had a little talk, we got to know each other a little, and we gained respect for one another..... This day I will remember for the rest of my life....

THINKING OUT LOUD RANDOMLY

mission cancelled today.... thats good i guess..... i get a break....... we do have this mandatory squad pt fun at 1400 today..... i want to be mad about this, who are you to tell me what to do with my time off.... im against the whole concept of making me do what you decided is a good idea with my free time.... but i like pt.... i love sports.... im looking forward to it...... im glad everyone else has to do it too..... its more fun when you have the numbers..... so i guess im torn on this.....

i feel like shit..... im tired.....i just cant seem to get the right amount of sleep ever..... i get so irritated by this..... if i sleep 4-6 hours a night i wake up feeling tired..... like i under slept.....if i get 7-10 hours i wake up feeling tired..... like i over slept.... its rare that i wake up now a days feeling good.... i think the amount of sleep i need is alluding me.... its somewhere in the range of 6-7 hours..... but i cant find it.... its like i have a window thats 5 mins long somewhere in between the 6th and 7th hour..... if i wake up in this window then im good.... if i over or under shoot it, i feel like shit.... i cant find it..... also i dont dream..... ever..... or at least if i do, i can never remember them.... i have to dream right? everybody dreams..... why cant i ever remember mine..... maybe its a blessing..... maybe i dont want to remember what im dreaming about.... maybe its bad..... i use to dream...... i dont know what happened..... i hate going to bed at night.... i hate waking up in the morning... at night i fight the need for sleep..... i dont want to sacrifice my free time and waste it on sleep... i think its because i know that once i lay down to sleep that when i wake up i have to go to work.... i love being a sleep though.... it passes the time the quickest... but when i awake im face to face with the reality that i have a long day ahead of me..... i wake up 10 min before i have to be at the trucks in the morning.... get dressed brush my teeth and shave.... grab all my shit and head out to the trucks..... i do all of this in a half asleep stupor.... we go to the trucks 2 hours before we start the mission.... lol...... i hate this.... it takes about 20 min to get the trucks ready to go.... another 20 for a mission brief.... that leaves us with 1 hour and 20 minutes to stand there and do nothing.... we also have a new sop..... we need to be 15 prior to the 2 hours prior..... are you fucking kidding me..... how stupid is this..... if the sp time is 8 in the morning we have to be at the trucks at 6..... but because we cant be on time, that would be bad some how.... we have to be before time.... so 15 min. prior to that.... so we really have to be out there at 545....... i just love this way of thinking..... if i didnt think it would happen i would suggest that we be there 10 min prior to the 15 prior to the 2 hours prior..... just to emphasize the stupidity of the policy..... but im sure if i suggest it some dick face will think it makes sense... he wont see the sarcasm or that intent of the suggest.... it would be taking at face value and it would probably be implemented..... needless to say i dont do any of this crap.... i dont care what time i get out there..... my truck is always up way before its time to go.... so no..... i wont be going out 15 min prior to the 2 hours.... and i really dont care if i get there 2 hours early to be honest.... ill get there when i get there.... just leave me the fuck alone, when and if my truck isnt up on time then come and bitch at me.... until then.... kick rocks.... hey sgt. mcneil, i just counted the bottles of water in your truck..... we are suppose to have 36 bottles in there.... you have 34.... thats not the standard..... lol.... go blow your dad fag..... leave me alone..... i really dont give a fuck about your standard.... if it really comes down to that two bottles of water... if that ever is or was the difference between a successful or unsuccessful mission then ill shot myself in the face...... hows that.....

why am i so tired.... im always tired.... not sleepy tired, but just the constant feeling of being drained.... i feel worn down.... i feel like my battery charge is at about 5%... im on the edge of crashing and shutting down.... im plugged in though.... recharging..... the problem with this is that my recharge input is matching my output...... so i just stay at a constant 5% charge.....

these fucking people man.... this place just feels so surreal...... they walk around as if they dont know where they are at.... what they are doing here.... why do we have to be professional..... why..... to me its like asking a savage to be a gentlemen at the same time.... sure when we are in the states and you go off post, be a poster boy for the army.... but in iraq.... who the fuck cares..... up hold the standards..... yeah got it.... when you come up with standards worth up holding then ill look into it..... dont leave your room unless your in full uniform..... blow me.... if i need to piss im not going to fumble around with my boots and hat and eye pro and pt belt..... im going to put my shoes on and walk to the pissers..... if thats wrong then im wrong.... im ok with that..... pt belts.... what the fucks really going on.... we have to wear a reflective belt when it gets dark..... so everyone can see you from far away..... we dont even wear pt belts in the field.... why the fuck do we do it in iraq...... its bullshit.... i guess thats what happens when stupid people are allowed to make rules.... hey sgt, your hat is filthy..... roger csm...... what the fuck sgt... your suppose to be up holding the standards..... this pc is dirty as all hell..... negative csm, its not dirt..... its blood sweat and tears..... its a badge of honor...... fix it.... HOOAH..... i guess my pc doesnt scream professional.....

what have we become.... more concerned about image then ability...... i see these fucking soldiers now a days.... its a fashion show.... with there nice and neat haircuts.... clean shave..... cool guy sunglasses.... and high speed knifes and pouches all over there kits..... i dont care about a haircut... in standard out of standard.... ill get to it when i get to it..... you need to shave..... get the fuck away from me.... like me shaving is your biggest problem right now...... maybe you should forget about my face and start thinking about tactics..... maybe my shaving is as bad a thing as you not knowing what your doing in sector.... maybe we could devote so time to that..... eye pro, eye pro, eye pro........ they say its ballistic.... ballistic..... if you really think that thin piece of plastic covering your eye ball is going to withstand shrapnel or stop a bullet...... then please, let me shot you in the eye..... what ever happens, happens.... if you die, then fuck maybe the rest of us can take our eye pro off when we want to..... look at that rambo knife.... pvt snuffy thats so cool.... can i see it.....

now wait one sec... im having a hard time trying to articulate this..... try to imaging two soldiers trying to help this guy get this knife out of his kit.... really, he snugged it down so tight he needs the help of two others just to get it out...... he hands it to me.... i look for something to cut.... hey theres a water bottle, lets cut that..... i labor over this thin plastic bottle with this big fucking knife for like 5 min....... finally i cut the top off..... pvt snuffy, this is the dullest fucking knife ive ever used..... but it sure does look cool.... maybe it wasnt the knife though.... maybe that plastic water bottle is ballistic as well..... shit if the water bottle can deflect bullets, thats probably why i had a hard time cutting it with a knife.... maybe i was just being an asshole to pvt. snuffy....

well fuck its getting to be about that time.... im going to clean my weapon and eat chow.... maybe i can get a movie in before we go do our fun day shit.... well see.... i hope your life is as rewarding and fulfilling as mine...... till next time NUGHT OUT.

*STOP LOSS* & THE NEVER ENDING DEBATE

early this afternoon i had a plan for this post.... this being my second post of my blog.... it was going to be a play off of my first post, with less anger :) but as the day drifted on i found that my head wasn't in it... i wasn't thinking about that at all.... i found that my mind was whirling around this whole stop loss problem..... all night I've been batting ideas back and forth trying to really figure out what side I'm on and what is the right thing to do..... lol.... ill save you the suspense..... i still don't know..... i have though came to grips with a few things... one, stop loss is a problem.... you cant have so many people up in arms about it, and say it isn't a problem.... i still see the argument from the unpopular side.... i still don't like the idea of losing quality combat soldiers before a deployment..... but there are problems that need to be addressed.....



first i understand the plight of a soldier who enlist for 4 years, deploys, and then is told they cant leave, they must deploy again..... that's not good for anyone.... here you have a guy ( or girl ) who volunteered to fight, did their time, and now whats their own life.... i can respect that..... shit i agree with that..... the question becomes how do we do it.... how do we keep the numbers up, keep the experience up, and let those who have fulfilled their obligate and want out, out....



i have an idea...... now keep in mind that I've been floating this in my head only for a few hours now.... their may be many holes in it but as a basis or foundation for a solution, this could hold water.... what if the army didn't stop stop loss.... instead, when a soldier hits their 2 year window ( 2 years before their contracts up) they have a choose to make a decision..... give the soldier an option to sign a declaration of intent..... at this point the soldier could sign a piece of paper letting the army know his or her intend to not reenlist..... this would give the army plenty of time to find a replacement if the soldiers unit was slated to be deployed or stop loss before that two years is up..... now if you were to deploy and you have more then a year left on your contract you would still have to go.... the idea being that you would get back before your contract was up.... by signing this piece of paper, you now become exempt from stop loss..... if you don't sign this you would then still be subjected to the policy....... there's only three possible places a soldier could be at in his or her mind when they hit the 2 year mark.....



1) I'm going to reenlist.... if they are here then stop loss is a non issue...



2) I'm not going to reenlist.... if they are here then they have an option to declare that and put the army on notice to prepare for their release.... i have more to say about this option, but ill come back to it



3) I'm on the fence..... i don't know what i want to do.... i think most would be surprised at the number of soldiers who would be here and who are here.... many don't know what they want to do at this point...



back to option #2....... to avoid having soldiers who fall into option #3 sign the declaration, they would have to make it harder to reverse your decision.... this becomes hard..... the army isn't going to want to push away good soldiers who change their minds and what to stay, but at the same time they cant create a loop hole for soldiers to avoid stop loss or everyone would use it.. the declaration needs to be for only option #2 soldiers who know whole heartily that they want out.... to do this the only thing i could think of is to have some kind of penalty for reversing a declaration... it has to be severe enough to deter option #3 soldiers from taking advantage of the declaration..... i think to reverse a declaration you would have to give up one rank, and never have to option to use the policy again in your career.... i think this would be severe enough to deter those who are unsure...... but again this is just a preliminary idea that could take on a different shape after i receive more input from others......



as it stands right now, i would rather a soldier be disenfranchised and have to deploy to keep the readiness up then have this policy just stop.... stopping it cold i think would be horribly wrong... it would have a huge negative effect on those who still stay and fight..... but i know their are a lot of you out there who would disagree with me...... look I'm not campaigning for stop loss, but i don't really want to campaign against it either.....



i have a friend of mine who is adamant about stopping stop loss...... he is going to great lengths to have is voice heard.... even though we have debated it back and forth and i will not sign his petition to stop stop loss..... i will post a link to his petition on my blog for those of you who disagree with me..... every voice should be heard...... if you have an opinion, by all means share it.... if you have an idea, share that as well..... if you really believe stop loss should be stopped.... sign the petition..... if you are unsure, then ask questions and get into the debate....



here's the link........



http://www.gopetition.com/petitions/end-stop-loss.html



John, let me know if i got the link right would ya.....

WHERE DO I START.

well, I've been in the army for almost 5 years now. I've seen the ups the downs the twist the turns and everything else in between. I've seen the army transition from a harder and more unforgiving army, to a much softer and gentler place to work. I'm starting to fucking hate it. This job is suppose to be hard. The soldiers with in our ranks are suppose to be tough and well above average....... but most arnt. the regular army has turned into a joke. we're not superior to shit..... i cant count on one hand the egregious tactical errors that are made by
my leaders on a daily basis. were not in fucking training right now... we cant just press the reset button or call index when we do dumb shit..... they act like they don't fucking get that.

I'm currently eeeking through my second deployment...... i have roughly 6 months till our year is up and all i hear is how we are getting extended.... look, i don't mind doing my job..... or being here longer..... i understood what i was signing up for, but i cant stand but feel like we keep throwing these fucking fuck tards home run pitches...... but they haven't swung at them yet.... everyday, the leaders above me make decisions that put our squad at an even higher risk then we already are at, and nothing happens to us..... we get back and everyone starts patting each other on the back telling each other how well they did, and to keep up the good work...... i want to fucking scream at them..... LOOK RETARD, THIS IS FUCKING STUPID...... YOU PUT EVERYONE AT RISK TODAY WHEN YOU DECIDED THAT WE SHOULD DO THIS.... OR WHEN YOU MADE US DO THAT..... it never ends....... i just feel like eventually someones going to swing at one of these "home run pitches", and when you swing at these you tend to hit home runs. its going to be a sad face fucking day when its our turn to take the hit..... these fucking Dilberts I'm working for are going to be in for a rude awaking when they start getting soldiers killed.....

in the 6 months I've been here i have been with three different platoons. let me paint the picture for you. I'm in an stb..... that's a special troops battalion..... its a fucking support battalion... can you guess which company I'm in...... fucking HHC... lol..... so I'm in a support company which is in a support battalion... oh yeah, HOOAH.... i want to be out there kicking in doors and doing patrols but no i got stuck on battalion PSD.... ( personal security detachment ) we taxi around the battalion col. and csm. to where ever they want to go and we protect them....... its really gay.... but as luck would have it our brigade came down on a unique assignment. they needed to give up 10 soldiers to work for and with some security squirrels in a security place doing secret things.... I'm not going to talk a great deal about what we did or who we did it for. but i some how lucked out and got one of the ten slots for this assignment... it was the best time I've had in the army.... no more regular army..... no more bullshit stupid fucking rules for the sake of rules.... no more being treated like fucking incompetent shit that needs constant prodding to do anything that productive..... we were making an impact on this war.... every night we took bad people off the battle field... i went to bed with a sense of accomplishment.... and all the sudden.... as soon as it started it ended.... 4 months is all we got.... TEAM ROCK..... that's who we were.... that's who we all still want to be..... but the whole team, and the whole tasking was sent back to our units.... our ten man element was chopped into pieces and spread to 5 different locations..... we wanted to stay together... we were they best squad in the battalion and we all knew it... but some genius cut us up and throw us anywhere we would fit..... i ended up at the one place i didn't want to go. the fucking MP platoon.... these fucking morons don't know there ass from there elbow, but they think there hot shit.... i fucking hate it here.... i get in yelling matches with my squad leader all the time..... hes the biggest and dumbest shit bag staff sergeant i have ever met.... i don't confront him in front of the soldiers but i do on a regular basis tell him that hes all dicked up in private..... needless to say, we don't get along now..... I've been trying to get fired so they will put me somewhere else.... anywhere.... asking to leave didn't work, and staying isn't an option... we are doing the same bullshit psd but for brigade staff..... the only difference is that we do it alot less tactically then the last psd i was on.

the other day my squad leader wrote me up for leaving a truck door open while not in use.... ya. he said that he has constantly said that when a doors not in use it needs to be shut..... we were standing around the trucks in a secure area.....now let me just say something, i didn't do anything wrong and it was small fucking potatoes, but because it was me he wanted to try and impose his superiority over me in front of everybody..... the issue itself was a non issue.... had it been anyone else he wouldn't have said a word to them or cared about the fucking door..... he wanted to ride me.... i told him that never once has he ever said or hinted to the fact that an open door not in use was suppose to be shut..... i don't care if it is suppose to be shut.... that would be another dumb fucking pointless rule for the sake of rules, rule, if it were..... it was never said to me.... I've been in this fucking platoon for like 40 days..... if this is what we are fucking worrying about as leaders in a combat zone then we are fucked as an army..... are you kidding me.... look i don't care if he wants to write me up but when he did he included about 6-7 complete and utter lies about my performance that had nothing to do with the fucking door.... it was because i don't let him whip me like he likes to whip others..... i called him on it immediately..... he smirked, shrugged his shoulders as if to say.... what are you going to do about it...... i almost lost my mind..... i went at him, i wanted to grab his fucking face and squeeze it.... we got separated and i went to talk to 1sg.... i told him that i cant work for this guy and that i need to be put somewhere else.... he said he would see what he could do... that was 2 days ago....

I'm in limbo now..... i don't care where i go as long as its away from him.... the last two sqd leaders i worked for recommended me for promotion.... both times was when i got moved from one platoon to another. so i had to start over again... now im here and im fucking fighting to leave.... i know im going to have to start all over again, but i know getting away from this fag is the best thing i can do....

so thats the gist of my deployment so far.... as time goes on i will include pictures and more in depth insight into my small world as it happens or just to catch you up.... for now, ill skate on the thin ice im on and try to make it to the other side without falling through....